Pathways to Potential

Pathways to Potential Ep2 - Phil's Journey Through Mental Health

• Ian Oliver • Season 1 • Episode 2

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What if the path to understanding mental health begins with a courageous story? On "Pathways to Potential," we welcome Phil Standley, a dear friend from Wantage, to share his profound journey through mental health challenges. Growing up quiet and withdrawn, Phil faced a pivotal crisis in 1990 that reshaped his life. Through honest recollections of travel, sports, and social camaraderie, he sheds light on the evolving perceptions of mental health from decades past and how he has navigated recovery and resilience. This episode offers a heartfelt exploration of Phil's ongoing challenges and aspirations, intertwined with reflections on the complexities of mental health.

Phil's opens up about his own battle with grief during one of life's most challenging periods: his father's illness and passing amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. The emotional weight of this experience, compounded by struggles with excessive drinking, paved the way for a transformative journey toward healing with the aid of mirtazapine. Embracing life with renewed vigor, I discuss the possibility of living positively after mental health struggles.  

Join us for a meaningful conversation that blends serious reflection with hopeful aspirations, and don't forget to subscribe to be part of our ongoing dialogue.

Pathways to Potential: A Podcast for Empowerment and Growth where we look into the challenges faced by individuals navigating mental health struggles and also those facing life after criminal convictions.

Ian:

Hello and welcome to Paths to Potential, the podcast that delves into the challenges faced by individuals navigating mental health struggles and also those facing life after criminal convictions. Hello everybody, and welcome to this edition of Pathways to Potential. This time I'm joined by a very old friend of mine, a lad I grew up with in Wantage, where I come from and where Phil went to school. I even lived with Phil for a certain length of time when my relationship with Julia was going south, and we spent a lot of time talking, where we also spent a lot of time drinking as well. From what I vaguely remember, over that particular period of time, phil sort of helped me through a number of issues that I had, and probably was one of the ones as well that we talked to the most. We also played cricket together. Phil played football.

Ian:

So, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to a lad from Weymouth, fire wanted, now back in Weymouth. I'd like to introduce you to a lad from Weymouth, fire Wantage, now back in Weymouth, phil Standley. Good evening, phil, and welcome to Pathways for Potential.

Phil:

Hello mate, how's, things?

Ian:

We're not doing too badly, Phil. How about yourself? Phil, you know the remit for the show it's about talking about mental health issues and the challenges that we face. Now I know and I know you probably won't mind me saying it that you've actually had a lot of issues over the past few years with mental health and different challenges that have been put to you, and I'd just really like you to talk about your life and how the mental health issues have affected you and how it's made you feel and what you see as being hope for the future. So, Phil, over to you so here goes um.

Phil:

So about me um, my name's Phil Stanley. I was born in Weymouth back in the mid-1960s. Um, I moved away when I was a kid and we moved up to Wantage in Oxfordshire which is where I did all my schooling and my younger adult years, my early years. On reflection, I was a very quiet, withdrawn sort of young lad. I spent a few years where I didn't talk much, um, never really went to the doctors or never got anything diagnosed, but but clearly I I had a obviously a few issues. Um, as I say, never got diagnosed with anything, never, never sort of really thought too much about it, just thought I was a quiet lad and that was it.

Phil:

It was interesting, obviously, what you said, ian, about your ADHD and you had sort of obviously when you were a child you know, very similar sort to me, I suppose, in a way growing up and all that. As I said, I didn't have many sort of close friends at school, it has to be said. Um felt very much on the outside and sort of looking in and um, obviously then I left school and um, my early adult years were great. Um, around that time left school in 82. Um, obviously foreign travel was just starting up and we were going to all these sort of parents' holidays still exotic locations like Spain and sometimes further afield and, as I say, my early adult years were great. I sort of came out of my shell and did a lot socially and then I got involved in sports, um play football at East Hendry Football Club and obviously, if you remember well my years at Letcombe Cricket Club, which I've thoroughly enjoyed- yeah, definitely remember those years, phil.

Ian:

Um, we did have a bit of a laugh. We also possibly in some respects took it a little bit far, I think in some ways not necessarily the cricket side, but the trips we used to make to bournemouth and what have you sort of go down on a saturday night after having played a game of cricket, to get completely and utterly gone on the saturday evening, to drive back again on the sunday morning. But no, they were good times, they really were. So sorry, sorry, mate. Continue.

Phil:

And then everything sort of caught up with me in 1990. Admittedly, I was doing too much and life got a bit carried away with myself, with life, and I sort of hit a buffer, hit a wall and I had a breakdown. That was October 1990. So 34 years ago now, a long time ago, I was admitted to Littlemore Hospital. Didn't know what was going on, where I was, what was happening. I was unofficially sectioned At the time it was a bit different, so I wasn't obviously a threat to anybody, but I did have to go into hospital. Um, I was in there 24 hours. It was a very sort of traumatic and troubling time. Didn't know what was going on and, um, and, and you know, at that period of time obviously mental health was perceived a bit differently we still throw back to the 70s and 80s and didn't know what it was, didn't know what a breakdown was, didn't know what depression was, because they'd never, never been told about it, never encountered it, never came across it. And obviously In time, you know, I sort of accepted it, tried to get used to it.

Phil:

Took me a long time, though the early 90s weren't great, I have to be said Got through 91, 92. And then, I would say mid-93, turned the corner and obviously then got back to normal. I started playing sport again, regular exercise and and looking after myself, um, that sort of carried on. But but I noticed my obviously my alcohol intake had increased. Um, it's one of those things I thought to myself, okay, I could do something about this. But I thought there's always tomorrow. I think that's the classic case with when you realise there's some sort of issue in your life.

Phil:

I would guess between years 93, 97, I consumed a lot of alcohol, never did any drugs, never my thing. And yeah, it got to 97 and then things sort of spiraled again. I um sort of lost my job. I was working in wantage, um, I don't want to talk too much about that, but but you know it sort of things got out of control. I sort of defaulted on the mortgage and ended up sort of effectively homeless. Had a few quid. I thought I'd go to London for a few years. Great, let's go to London and live it large.

Phil:

Went to London for two years, stayed with a good friend for a while, andy Hemmings but my life was spiralling out of control again. I was drinking, I was gambling, I was just abusing my body and at the time I thought this is the lifestyle I want and need and desire and didn't think anything of it. And then, hey, hey, 1999. Everything collapsed around me. My parents had come up to London to visit me. I was effectively homeless by then because I'd moved out and I was just wandering around, staying at people's flats and anyway. So parents came up, sorted me out, had a serious talk with me and said look, you're killing yourself. You need to sort yourself out.

Phil:

So I came down to Weymouth and again the same thing, same cycle. I completely and utterly had a breakdown. The first few months in Weymouth were horrific. I had gastroenteritis. I thought I was dying. Oh, it was just horrendous. I completely and utterly felt so dreadfully ill, anyway. So then I thought, what am I going to do? Didn't know Weymouth at all, even though I was actually born here, and I thought, okay, going to do. Didn't know Weymouth at all, even though I was actually born here, and I thought, okay, give it a few months down there. And hey, I started to enjoy myself. I started to look around me and think, god, I'm by the seaside. This is great new start.

Ian:

Nobody knows me let's see what happens anyway. So now we're back in waymophil. So what happens next?

Phil:

so I recovered from the gastroenteritis and just started to get myself better and more motivated. And then it got a job okay, worked at Thornton's for you know, the chocolate back then there was loads of Thornton shops had obviously a lot of retail experience and managed to get the manager's job at the local Thornton's, did that for two years and I loved it. You know what I really loved it. It was hard work, um, physically, emotionally and psychologically, but I did it and I got through it and I turned the corner. Then I went to work, um, at Condor Fairies. Uh, because Thornton's just it was only a period where I was getting my life back together and I couldn't see myself there long term. So Condor Ferries Went there for four years. Great bunch of people Loved it. Life was great. I got myself fit. I was getting myself fit and healthy. Then I was doing a lot of yoga, a lot of exercise. I was really starting to look after myself and life was good again.

Phil:

So, anyway, I got to about 2006, 2007, and I thought I need to do something different again and I went back to furniture retail, which is what I knew. So I got a job in Dorchester, here in Dorset, at an independent furniture store and I loved it. I did that in 2007 and I loved it, absolutely loved it, and got up to the stage where, unfortunately, things changed within the workplace. I felt I was no longer needed or required, so I thought time for a new challenge, so managed to get the job in Weymouth. Another furniture store called London Lounge started there in 2015 December.

Phil:

So near on nine years now and you know what my work perspective. This is probably the best job I've ever had. I. I love it, fantastic staff, fantastic management team and I just love everything about it the clientele, everything is just great. But then, as we know, got to 2020. It's funny because I went and saw Rob Brydon live at Weymouth Pavilion and it was early January 2020 and it was a great night. We were just laughing and joking and everything was great and we were making many gags about this new thing called COVID and it was such a funny, funny night and everybody was just laughing and it was like, oh, you know, and he knew, he knew, god, covid. Don't think we want to dwell on that, because we've almost all put that behind us.

Ian:

Yeah, we'll come back to 2020 in a second, Phil, because I appreciate that's probably where the whole story starts to change in another direction for you that whole issue around COVID and the whole issue around your father being in a care home because he wasn't able to look after himself. So, Phil, do you want to start on that particular part of the journey?

Phil:

He wanted to come home. He wasn't mentally well, he sadly couldn't walk and unfortunately, they kept trying to send him home, kept resisting it. It was a horrible battle at the time because they had to respect his wishes and I understood that. I understood that, but we kept trying to say, look, we cannot cope or deal with my father. It broke my heart. It really did, because, um, but he was in the best place, he was being looked after, he needed 24 hour care and he got that. You know, he really did get that anyway. So he was in there and then. So he was in there and then January, february 2020, which we know, covid came along, got to March and, as we well documented, we went into lockdown and that was it.

Phil:

Um, it was all a blur from, like a lot of people. I struggled terribly with that period, drank excess, excessively, I think. I literally got to the point where I'm going to just blot it all out and drink all day long, and that's what I started doing. I'm not proud of it, but I couldn't cope with it. I couldn't deal with it. I just, you know, I was one of the people that some people just you know, I was one of the people, that some people, just you know, loved it being at home all this time. But I just went completely the other way and psychologically it was very, very tough. Anyway, I thought, no, things can't get any worse than this.

Phil:

And then, february 2021, my dad was in care, took a phone call from the care home on the Thursday. Um, it was actually the district nurse had been in and said sorry to tell you, but your dad's contracted Covid. I had, as I say, my own views on this. Regarding COVID are my own views. I am a bit sceptical, but obviously that's what I was told. So, ok, so that's fine, that's fine, don't worry. I took a phone call on the Friday. He was unconscious, ok. So what does that mean? Ok, well, we're nearing end of life. I'm sorry, I want to go and see him. You can't come and see him, we're in lockdown. I said, no, I'm going to come and see him Anyway. So I went out to try and see him at the care home and they locked all the gates and everything and I tried getting in and couldn't get in, anyway. So I was in such a state I didn't for two days. Then Saturday, sunday, didn't know what was happening, kept looking at my phone, anyway, sunday morning been with my mum Worst phone call ever. Your dad's passed.

Phil:

And yeah, from that period I just completely and utterly lost it, and I mean lost it. I completely and utterly melted down and broke down and completely lost control of everything that was going on around me. This is probably upsetting me now, but I will talk about it because you know that was the period of my life where I thought I either live or die. I know that's how it is and how it was. I couldn't see any future or anything at that period of time that was going to get me better and I didn't agree for my dad. I just couldn't do it and from a mental perspective that was a horrible, horrible time where I don't know how I got through it and I just, but I couldn't agree with for my dad. I spent gosh, a whole year drinking excessively, trying to grieve for my dad and I couldn't. And it was weird because a year after he passed, after oh sorry, after the day I put him to rest and that was the turning point in my life. And it was a turning point because, you know, I realised then that things were going to get better and they were going to get better and they were going to get better. And from that point on they did get better and my health got better. I improved. You know, life became good again, slowly, but day by day, things improved. Anyway, I needed help. So I plucked up the courage, I went to the doctors and they put me on metazapine. Um, initial I went on quite a high dosage. Um, terrible sort of initial reactions to that. Um terrible side effects. Um, but do you know what? It has helped me so much? People have different viewpoints. I never thought I'd be. I've been on metazepine for two years now and it has completely. It has helped me. It's given me new perspective on life and it has helped me with my coping mechanisms and everything. Anyway, move on to now.

Phil:

Okay, so I talk openly about mental health. I didn't for a few years, but now I do because I have completely turned the corner. Um, I have a few health issues. I've got blood pressure issues, but that's my age. I've got gout issues, but that's my age. I've got gout issues, but that's my age. But I love life again.

Phil:

I had two fantastic holidays this year. I went to a five-star retreat in Greece and I did Canada. Never thought I would do Canada but I did. Took a lot out of me, my age and everything, but I did it and I feel, you know, next year doing Canada again and can't wait, all booked up, can't wait.

Phil:

So, really, my closing thing sorry, this has all been about my life, but it's my journey. It's my journey and as I close this sorry again, I didn't mean to get upset. I thought I'm not going to get upset because, but hey, I'm in a human my closing thing is there is life after mental health. You can live with mental health. I've lived with it for 34 years. I'm still here, I'm still surviving, I'm still loving life, still moving forward. So there is life, you know, after you just accept it, you know and live with it. And you know it's hard. Of course it's hard, gosh, I know how hard it's been. But hey, you turn the corner. You live life again, you breathe, you live, you want to enjoy life again and that's what I've done. So you know, never give up hope, always believe and you will turn the corner.

Ian:

Phil, I just want to say a huge, huge thank you for doing that. Um, it's difficult, I know, talking about it. I actually found it difficult when I was speaking about myself, but this is not about me, this is about you. So thank you for being so open and so honest about your health issues, about covid, about your dad. And, yeah, keep going, mate, keep looking to the future. Talk to you soon.

Ian:

If anybody has any questions, please feel free to send me an email at ian@empowerchange. ie. Or if you want to take part in the show, then also drop me an email at ian@empowerchange. ie. So, yeah, that's what this podcast is about. It's about mental health issues. It's about helping people who've been through the judicial system or prior to them going through the judicial system. It's looking at ways that we can put things in place or offer advice and help to help people just purely to help people and to hopefully have a bit of fun and a bit of joy and a bit of entertainment and, as we would say here, a bit of good crack along the way. So subscribe to the podcast pathways to potential and, if you want to get involved? Drop us an email. It's ian at empower changeie and let's see what we can do, because you can't do it on your own. The only way we can do this is together.

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